It Draws Closer.....

Halloween is just around the corner.
In our little chateau, we are in the planning stages.
So much excitement to be had at this time of year.
The beautiful colour changes as Autumn is ushered in and Summer takes its leave.

With Autumn, starts a brand new school year.
Jackie is having a difficult time adjusting.
I spent the better part of the morning explaining why Little Man boards the yellow brick on wheels.

She was having no part of this conversation.

With the cooler temperatures, I have finally finished some projects.
Here is my Bad Fairy Princess Stole!

This was a work of love.
There were times when I thought I bit off more than I can chew. I persevered.
The trick is to knit like you watch anime. Do not try to guess the next step. Just follow the instructions and go with it.
To be honest, I am not one to wear lacy items of clothing or accessories. With this stole, I am just so proud of myself, I will wear it with pride.

I finally sewed the buttons Hubs made onto my sweater!!!

I absolutely adore this sweater. I will be wearing it to work tonight!

Now I have one work in progress on my needles:
Why So Serious?


Lunch is underway.
I am making some soup to go with a loaf of cheesy bread I purchased over the week end.

Enjoy the start of the Autumnal Equinox!

Almost There

Little steps.
One foot in the front of the other.
You got this!

I'm back at work. It was a long week, but I feel like I performed as a decent human being.
This week I also went for my next blood test to make sure the body is functioning as it should.
The nurse who telephoned with the results was so kind. She reminds me of someone who should have been on Sesame Street.
She has empathy and is able to speak without being condescending or using that pitying tone that I heard a lot of these past few weeks.
My body apparently is almost on the way back to normal.
Normal.
What a bizarre word to describe something that certainly does not feel normal.

I have been watching a great anime series titled Death Note. I love animes that a strong theme of the supernatural coupled with intense character studies. It makes me wonder how I would respond in a similar situation. You know, like if I ever find a magical book that gives me the power to decide life and death.

As I binge watch my programs, I enjoy knitting.
My current projects are still my Fairy Princess Stole, which is turning out better than expected!


I cannot work on my stole while Death Note. I have to read the subtitles.
This is my other work in progress, Why So Serious Socks by Jennifer Vancalcar.



This is such a fun sock. The pattern is simple but interesting enough to keep me knitting away like a happy little fiend.

Have any of you tried Windows 10?
I'm starting to really warm up to the operating system. Especially they introduced me to iMovies app.
Now I can watch all those movies that Hubs has absolutely no interest in viewing.

Little Better

The first thing I did when I woke up this morning was think about a large cup of coffee.
It's nice to not wake up crying for a change.
My goals right now are simple.
Wake up.
Coffee.
Farmville.
Elliptical.
Shower.
Dress.
Jackie.
Eat.

Jackie actually figures in more predominately in that list.
If you want to know where I am, follow the dog.
She is my right hand man at the moment.
If there was room, she would jump into that shower with me.

I have also been binge watching Project Runway and working on my Fairy Princess Stole.

I like this project because my mind needs to keep up with the counting.
I love it is progressing.
I'm not sure how long it will be when finished.
I will either run out of yarn or simply decide that is enough.

I've been avoiding facebook with the exception of Farmville.
Harvesting simulated vegetables calms me.
The rest of my feed is about hand knitted baby items.
I'm not ready for that.

I'm grateful for the time off work.
I do not remember when I focused on just me.
I should do this more often.

See you later.

Shattered

I went for my blood test yesterday.
I had that empty feeling all night before.
That gut instinct. That is one helluva thing.
My results showed that it was as if I was two weeks pregnant, not nine.
Well, I take comfort in the fact that at least it is possible for me to conceive.
I never even thought that was a possibility.
It still fuckin hurts.
People are kindly trying to offer condolences.
I find myself more in the position of saying things, like it will be better next time.
Maybe the baby just wasn't developing properly and it is for the best.
To be honest, I just want to be left alone.
This is my grief. I do not want to share it.
My mother in law even offered to come over because she made a casserole and whatnot.
Nope.
I just cannot be polite and act like the ever respectful hostess at the moment.
I cannot offer polite conversation and say things like, it is ok. Next time I will stronger.
She is a nice woman but at times I find her too self-centered. I cannot deal with that personality right now.
I want to be the selfish one.
Just leave me alone for now please.
Let me have my few days of self pity.
Let me get my head together.
I will be better tomorrow.

Conflicted

I feel just so lost and emotional.
Last week I had experienced bleeding from moderate to at one point heavy.
This scared me.
Everything you read on the internet says this is a bad thing. It usually ends in miscarriage.
Then you read a few other articles that explain this is not necessarily so.
All of the articles ended with please call your health care provider.
I did that today.

The receptionist was so kind and understanding. She told me that it is usually not a good thing, but entirely uncommon.
I felt ok after this exchange. She made me an appointment to see the doctor who was on call as mine was not on today.
I arrived with Hubs on time. We registered and were told to wait.
We watched a few other patients come and go and then my name was called.
First question this doctor asked me, Do you speak French.
I started to answer I am English however,
I never finished my sentence.
I knew this was not going well.
Why are you are here?
I tried my best to explain.
I doubt she was even listening.
So since then you were bleeding.
Well, you miscarried.
I don't see why you bothered to come in.
Well, I just want to be sure everything is ok.
You miscarried. We can be sure two things. We can do a blood test.
I don't see why you did not come in earlier.
Most women come in at the first sight of blood.
I will give you two forms.
One copy will go to your assigned doctor.
They are closed today, so you can go tomorrow at your clinic in town.
Well, I guess we should call you regardless of the results.

I tell you, I have never in my life been so distraught, angry, emotionally drained, every other feeling on the spectrum ever!
She was the most cold-hearted excuse for a human I have encountered since arriving in the Belle Province.
I had a miscarriage earlier this year. It was horrible. I was shattered. I felt empty.
This time, I don't have those feelings. My stomach is holding a baby bump. I feel these little twinges in my stomach. I still have hope that things are as they should be.
That woman never even asked me a question about how I was feeling. She made her assumption without hardly any information. That was the most horrendous experience I would never wish on anyone.
I don't even know what to feel at this point.
Tomorrow morning, Hubs and I will go to the walk in clinic in town and do the blood test.
I still have hope.

Everything is OK

Everything is OK.
This has been my mantra for about a week now.
I had a bit of a scare earlier in the week.
Things were happening that I perceived as alarming.
The worse thing you can do is turn to google for help or advice. Of course, being me, that is precisely what I did.
That may have made things horrendously worse.
This is why in every couple, you have a yin and yang.
Jo is the voice of reason at the moment.
Last month I was the voice of reason, so it is his turn this month.
Rest assured, everything is OK!
Since my last appointment for the baby, I have learned many things.
I am allowed one or two cups of coffee per day. It truly is only one cup.

That is a very small cup of coffee. I used to be able to have three times the size of that!
I also have to stay away from mint and chamomile teas. I wonder if I have to avoid mint entirely or just went mixed with tea? Question for my next appointment.


I have completed my slipper socks.


I have also been working hard on my blanket.

Pinterest gave me an idea to sew an extra soft piece of fabric to the back side. I really like that idea. I have a design plan for the front which would leave a lot of ends to weave through. That piece of fabric can act like a security feature.

Little Man is back at school. The routine for Jackie and I is back to somewhat normal. When we venture out for our walk, we still have to stop if we see a giant yellow bus approaching. It might have our boy on board.

It hasn't been easy, but I have been making efforts to not worry about everything under the sun.
Everything is OK!

Adjustments

Have you tried Windows 10?
We just installed the version that was made available to Windows users about week ago.
I am still adjusting.
It does things automatically and constantly asks if I had logged in with a certain password on a certain site.
I understand it is a security feature. I just wish it would acknowledge my memory card from my camera so I can upload my pictures. Currently I have to preform dark rites in order to transfer my photographs.
There is also that new web browser, Edge. It works great for some sites, not so much for others. For example, through Edge I cannot upload photos onto blogger, but I can through Firefox.
I guess they still have some bugs to work through.

Do you remember when I told you about how I was going to enter my painting in the town fair?
Well, I came fifth! (out 6 participants)

I dropped and picked up my painting, but because of my work schedule, I was unable to actually visit the fair. I was able to send representatives. Hubs and Jacob were very kind to report back to me that the other paintings looked like paint-by-numbers.
I feel good about my efforts. I stepped out my comfort zone and put myself out there! Other people, strangers even, saw my work. This is a huge accomplishment for me.

I have also been knitting.
I completed my Coexist socks.

I have to be honest. I lost steam knitting these up. They are complete. I will wear them with pride, but I doubt if I will knit another pair.

To get over that little speed bump, I decided to do a bit of stash busting and knit up a pair ankle socks with yarn my Mother in law gave me.

Since I loved the Socks on a Plane pattern, I decided to improvise my own.


As well, we have chosen some very bright colours to knit a baby blanket.

This would bring us to part two of adjustments I have been making.
I am pregnant.
I am currently at week 6. So, everything is still really new and very much developing.
I googled what the baby would look like at this stage and the image really hit home. This is something that I never in a million years thought would happen to me and I am thrilled beyond words. There are some very serious life style changes happening right now. No alcohol, more calcium, more worrying and more caution. I want to give this child the best possible outcome available within my powers.

I am still very much in shock, but very happy. I am going to work my socks and catch up on Sense8 I wish you all a very good Monday!