Everything is quite all right!

My Maple Leafs ended a 19 year chrse and managed to make it to the 2nd round of the playoffs. Quite a few people on various social media sites still downplayed that achievement! I honestly cannot understand why.I don't know if any other die hard fans felt the same way but, it was an emotional experience for me. I can't really explain why. I guess I had just come to expect an early defeat. So, I will say what I say every year. Maybe next season. And I will continue to enjoy the game! During the playoffs I knit a few sweaters! The first was a test knit sponsored by Eweknit It was later released as Julieta Pullover I made my version longer than required because 1, that is my preference and 2, I had the available materials!

I had not blocked it prior to the photos being taken so, please excuse the wrinkles. It was a fun knit that remained interesting during the fair isle pattern change and the steady stockinette knit help me concentrate on the hockey! Another sweater I enjoyed knotting during the play-offs was The Corrie Sweater

I just really love cables! It is a perfect fit and remain interesting throughout the process. Lastly, I tried something new with a bulky wool and a sweater called Beginners Boatneck Jumper

It truly is a very quick knit! I also began painting a little more often. Here are a few of my paintings:

Not all winners but fun nonetheless. I like trying to figure out new ways to paint skies and clouds. Harley and Jackie are inseparable. One is never far from the other!

Believe it or not, Jackie just turned 9! Harley is not yet a year! Jackie has gone from the big spoon and pillow to little spoon and cuddle bug. Once in a while, Harley tries her luck with Rorschach!

They've arrived at a mutual understanding where Harley keeps her paws to herself and Rorschach does pretty much what he pleases. Lastly, I'll leave you with a little video of our daily hummingbird visitor. I hope you enjoy it as much as I!

Just some thoughts

I do a lot if thinking. A lot, like, all the time, all the thinking. I learned recentky that there are people who are able to keep their mind blank. No constantly running monologue. Do you ever experience that? I've never had that quiet. There's always a constant chatter in my mind. I'm curious though, what would that be like? I was also thinking about idiosyncracies. I'm not sure if I'm saying that right. I love the idea that situations line up in such a way, almost perfectly fir certain events to take place, almost as if it were meant to be. It provides me a bit of comfort because it is almost like these things are meant to happen for a special reason. We only get to learn the reason why after the fact. I'm saying we have no free will but, it is interesting to think that maybe we don't really have all that much choice we think. Don't get me wrong. We make choices. Those choices alway have repercussions. We must still exercise caution so not to cause harm to others. I think if perhaps we exercised thise cautions, were more careful of our actions, perhaps the world would not be so screwed up?

Everything is OK

I mean that. Everything is ok. I've just been doing a bit of thinking. I learned that in order foe me to be really OK, some boundaries need to be set. I can no longer allow people to make me feel bad. Nor can it matter who they are and what they are suppose to represent. I spoke about it at length woth Jo. He always sees things a bit differently and it helps to get that perspective. It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make but came to the necessary conclusion that I can no longer allow my parents to bully me and then turn it around to justify their actions say their attitude, behaviour, et cetera is because I did or said something. It actually hardly, ever is, my fault when I have found myself on the receiving end of their need to still put me in place even though I've been an adult for quite some time. I allowed it because of guilt. I was told I'm the only one who can help them, support them, whatever. That is not my fault. They're actions and words are what drive people away. I haven't spoken with them except for a very brief moment at Christmas. I actually feel good. I like it. I like not having to justify my actions or explain why I want to do something. It's actually nice not having someone tell me it's a waste of money or time. I've been enjoying myself and look forward to this new found freedom. I just had to give myself permission to say no and not feel bad about someone else's wrong doings or poorly thought out actions. Boundaries are good, necessary and healthy! I will continue to enforce them.

Try As I Might

I am just catching my breathe now! I completed the last of my exams for this term, this morning. I never really know how well I fare. You place the words test or exam in a sentence, I tend to get panicky. It's honestly ridiculous. I have studied and practiced and repeated the process. I can know the information forward and back, yet I cannot get rid of those anxious feelings. I just do the best I can! We unfortunately had to say goodbye to little Charlotte at the beginning of October. She had a number of teeth loose and went in for surgery to remove them. The surgery was too much and she suffered from Sepsis. She was a brave little dog who viewed everyone as a friend she had not yet met.

Jackie looked for her for a number of days. I think that was more heartbreaking because I could not properly explain where Charlotte had gone. Not long after, we received a surprise notice that a dog had given birth to 12 puppies! They were looking for homes. Did not have to tell me twice! We welcomed Harley into our home Thanksgiving day!

Harley is a German Shepherd, Border Collie mix and quite vocal. About everything. I never fully appreciated how Jackie spoiled me. It was like Jackie was already an old lady in puppy form, silently judging us all. Harley is just absolute chaos, wrapped in fur. We are all loving every minute of it! Jackie is teaching Harley all kinds of interesting behaviours and providing some good information in how to operate. Harley looks to Jackie as a studious little pupil in how best to proceed in a variety of situations.

As you can see, they are never far from each other! I finished a sweater that I am quite proud of!

It is called Victoria Jumper by

Willow and Larkhttps://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/victoria-jumper

in Ramble yarn. The only thing I altered was to knit it in the round to avoid some seaming. It involved a bit of math and I am happy to report, the math was correct! I have also been painting and sketching a fair bit! This is a work in progress:

It got a bit muddy on me, so it's time out. I also did some chalk pastel:

Titled Far From Home. I have also been working with my watercolours but failed to take photographs. The holidays are now upon us. I hope you are all well. We will be staying quiet this year. Just a simple dinner and a few movies. We've all been too tired to get up to any shenanigans if I'm honest, and we are looking forward to some time just to decompress. Stay well everyone. Until we chat again!

Been a Minute

First. I am doing well! My mother-in-law is adjusting as best she can. There is still the aphasia to contend with. It makes conversation interesting. To be homest, I have no idea how much she understands. There is very little short term memory. Once in a while, there is a flash. She will be present. Comment about something that actually relates to what is happening then, disappear again. Just my own personal opinion, and I understand how little weight that carries, but our daily life resembles what people with dementia exoerience. If that is our new reality, well, we will continue ro work with what we have. We went through ome massive renovations. Our basement was deteriorating rapidly. We had to make a decision on how best to proceed. It was decided to lift the house, destroy the old foundation, and pour a new one. We spent a good month in the clouds waiting for the cement to settle.

We were quite the neighbourhood attraction.
Luna was always present to supervise.

Now we are waiting for the crew to install the heat portion of the heated floors. So far, it feels like the main part of renovation is waiting. For people who are used to making decisions and then taking action, this waiting is the most difficult. For a time, I was working weekends at the nursing home, while going to school, looking after mom-in-law, and started to work as a bookkeeper for an acquaintance. I was afraid to let anyone down. I loved what I was doing at the residence and was grateful to start remote work as a bookkeeper. After all, it s why I am in school. But, a decision needed to be made. I was spreading myself too thin. I didn't have time to do any of the things I really enjoy like paint, draw, knit, and the odd time bake something. I put in my notice at the residence and I just experienced my first weekend home since February. The dogs were estactic! So was the husband. I started working on a few things. These are just a few things I remembered to photograph:

Some baking:

Someone wanted a Black Forest Cake for their birthday. I tried to accomodate!
And I have been knitting. My current work in progress are Bouton d'or socks.

And cross stitching. To ease back into the process, I have been working on a kit from Innocent Bones, Wheel of Fortune.

To cap off our summer adventures, Jackie had the unfortunate experience to be sprayed by a skunk. How we managed to a oid this for the last eight years, I'll never know. It happened in slow motion. We went out for our final nightly routine. I was not paying attention. Charlotte went blasting through. The skunk was probably wondering what the f... was that? When she has to go, she has tunnel vision. There is only one thing she focuses on. I am thankful because I do not think I could have managed the two of them covered. Jackie was not so lucky. She herds by instinct. She tried to herd the wrong kitty and was rewarded for her efforts. Three showers, a few weeks later, there is still a hint of the spray. This is a smell that will be burned in our mememories.

I hope you are all doing well. There are still a lot of changes happening around the world. Some are downright terrifying. I try not to dwell too much or I will end up losing myself in that darkness. I'm just trying to enjoy the little things. Make string pretty. Put some amrks on a page and chill with the family. Stay safe everyone!

My mother-in-law has now lived in our home for three months. There have been many ups, and of course, downs. Routine is very important, as is the need to prepare for the unexpected. My observation skills are put to good use as is my ability to make sound decisions. This is especially important when you are the primary caregiver for a vulnerable person. I also cannot stress enough, not to allow yourself to become lazy with your intent and strength. This not only includes what happens in your private residence but, when the person you care for lives in a facility, be it private or publicly funded and staffed. When Mere arrived in our home, we had in place things that would simplify the transition and make the care she received, easier to perform. My health, emotional and physical, comes above all else. If something happens to me, I am unable to pursue other things I enjoy and value. The occupational therapist was very helpful in procuring all the necessary equipment. We use things like a return, that allows Mere to help us, help her, go from sitting to standing to the bed. It saves my back! The wheelchair is outfitted to her specific needs, which is critical as she has yet to recover the right side of her body. We are realists. We understand this may never happen. They also offered advice as to other equipment and supplies we may find beneficial. While the thought is appreciated, I felt there was an important step the medical staff and those in positions of power failed to grasp. Without a doubt, it was the best decision to move Mere into our home. When she first had her stroke at the start of the COVID pandemic, the care she required was beyond my capacity. There were treatments, medications and professional opinions I have not learned about in enough capacity to be effective. The type of stroke she experienced is best described as an explosion. Many are familiar with blockages and clots. That is the first assumption, people say out loud when we begin to say that Mere had a stroke. These assumptions are dangerous and even plague the medical world. During the first few months of Mere's hospitalisation, she was catatonic. There was brain activity but, limited. There was very little sensation in her extremities but, she was breathing on her own power. Eventually, she recovered enough activity to be transferred to a hospital closer to home because she no longer required the emergency 24 hour care. Unfortunately, she was not verbal enough to clearly state her needs. Once again, assumptions were made. There was visible, weekly progress. Each time we visited, Mere was able to say a few more words and make more concrete connections between objects and names. What I have found most amusing is her choice of language. For some reason, English has come more easiliy than her French, mother tongue. Unfortunately, this has created some issues amongst the caregivers who do not understand English nor, take the time to listen. At this point, Mere is not forming coherent sentences. Sometimes there are a series of words but, not necessariliy ones that can form an understandable sentence. Other times, it may only be sounds. In a fast, understaffed environment, no one takes the time to stop, and actually listen. There are assumptions being made that are hardly ever accurate because it is simpler to form their own opinion. The faults within the medical communtiy are numerous even if based on good intentions. From my own perspective, I have been quite frustrated at the lack of attention and put simply, good manners. I also have this fault of rushing a sentence but, I was taught to listen to the other person. Understand their meaning, then form a response. The key, and this is critical, is to actually listen to understand, not respond. My first encounter was the social worker in charge of Mere's case, requesting a special pair of shoes to aid in her transfers during physiotherapy. No problem, I replied. I will order them. As soon as they arrive, I will deliver them to the hospital. A week later, the shoes arrive. Unfortunately, I did not receive notice until after the post office closed Friday evening. In our small town, the post office remains closed through the week end and does not re-open until Monday morning. That evening, I telephoned the hospital, spoke with social worker and explained the situation. I would deliver the shoes Monday afternoon before I left for work. I had not even finished speaking when I was interupted to be told that I should pick up the shoes that evening and deliver them to the physio staff. All right. You want me to commit a break and enter? She did not understand. I repeated word for word, exactly what I said the first time. I wish I could tell you this was a horrible joke, but once again, I was asked to bring the shoes that evening. This experience lead me to believe that if the staff refuse to listen to someone who is able to speak clearly and concisely, how are the able to listen to clients who do not possess the ability to express themselves to be easily understood? This inability to listen impacts other areas of the client care. I became aware of a serious ramification within the prescribed medication and treatments. Mere is unable to properly explain her needs. She, understandably, becomes frustrated which in turn, becomes sounds with the absence of words. These sounds are then misinterpreted as expressions of pain. Unable to take the time to listen and properly observe, the staff providing care, assume Mere requires drugs to alleviate pain. The strength of these drugs left her in a zombie-like state, further limiting her ability to speak. Now that Mere has been rendered further unable to communicate, more assumptions are being made daily. Now there are prescriptions of morphine, Fentanyl, cortizone injections and Tylenol. Had Mere's power of attorney, primary caregiver been made aware of all the different medications and treatments, those people being us, more questions would have presented and a demand for answers been submitted. I have my doubts we would have been properly informed given my previous encounters. Now we are facing an uphill battle of reducing the pain medications. Cortizone injections have been stopped. The Fentanyl patch will cease by the end of the week. We finally have a doctor that not only made a housecall, but listened to our concerns to initiate the reduction of various medications. It actually gives us hope that there are medical professionals who listen. Hospitals, long term care facilities, private senior's homes, are all understaffed and improperly funded. The people being hired are either overwhelmed, not properly trained, under payed, and poorly supervised. I have had the unique pleasure of working for people who actually listen and pay attention to the needs of their clients and their employees. I wish this was common practice. I have also worked for people who have had no business being in a supervisory position creating distrust and unsafe working conditions by promoting the need to carry out tasks and swiftly in order to move on to the next task. This creates a giant hole for our vulnerable people to become trapped inside because the very simple need to actually listen, takes time. No one seems to have grasped that importance.

I’m all right

We are all moving forward one day at a time. Each day, there is a little progress. Each day, there may be a few steps taken back. And you know? That is okay. We have a routine. We wake up. Take meds. Wash up. Have a little breakfast. Watch a film. Today was a really good day. I thought I would share. Today was the first day since my mother-in-law had her stroke, that a little of her shone through the haze. It was nice. I have learned a few things about myself as I devote most of my time to taking care of my mother-in-law. I can be patient. I have a lot I can teach someone. Routine is very important. I must also make sure to look after me. So, we take each day as it comes. We try our best. I hope you are all well! We will share again.