Pondering Life's Mysteries: warning, this is a bit of a ramble

The year 2016 might be remembered by some of us as the year we lost so many of our muses and popular cultural icons.
These deaths have left me to question many things about my own life. Mainly addictions and insecurities.
Many people suffer from mental instabilities, but I hate that term. It is not accurate. I don't view it as a mental disease, instability or some other form of psychosis. My brain and a lot of other mere mortals just think and process differently. For me, it is all the time. My brain just refuses to shut off.
It seems to be a common thread with people who are artistic. These arts are not solely limited to the fine or visual art communities. Art is everywhere. It is found in the maths and sciences as well. Just look at the images we are now able to acquire from the outer reaches of space.

With all of these colours and images, is it no wonder the cosmos has influenced films, television, written words and led to discoveries for our current way of life?
Which leads back to my original thought, how do we deal with all these images and sounds that keeps our minds in constant motion. It seems impossible and overwhelming to continuously follow the threads to reach a conclusion. You end up suffering from insomnia as well frenzied thinking. When your plans do not follow the path you are creating to maintain order, you get discouraged. There are no words or sympathies spoken to calm you down and keep you grounded. How can other people comprehend what you are experiencing? Even if you successfully bring a project to fruition, is it your best? There are always those little errors you perceive no one else notices. People tell you, no it's great. I couldn't have done better.
You know you could have done better. The cycle then emerges. This cat and mouse game. Your brain pumping out all these thoughts, some intelligible, others not so much. At least it is recognizable when those odd thoughts running amok are just distractions. You start chasing after the ideas that good. The ones that will be something. Maybe not great, but they will have conclusions, an ending. Will it be good enough?
How do you overcome that sense of not being good enough? Or not having enough time? Or not having enough resources? That overwhelming feeling. That is the demise of so many talented people. Psychosis develop in people who are most vulnerable be it physical or mental. If you seek personal help, medications are prescribed. If those fail to keep your brain at it's best behaviour, there will be other medicinal options. Now you have a medicine cabinet stocked better than the local pharmacy and a list of medical practitioners not communicating with each other.
That is rather tedious. To seek out medical help. They might judge you, affix a label that will follow you as along as you breathe and then some. You might end up in a medical journal or tabloid with a fuzzy photograph of you visiting a late night pharmacy to fulfill a prescription.
It is so much easier to self medicate. The drug of choice in my family is alcohol. So easy to come by. So much more accepting by society. Alcoholism has cute little phrases. She can drink like a fish. She likes her drink. Social drinker. Pills are also easy to come by. Cold medications are over the counter. Also socially acceptable. They have these warnings, do not mix with alcohol. I wonder how many consumers follow those instructions?
Do these solutions aid the mind? Slow it down a little so you can function within the norms already set out by society? You have to go to sleep at a certain hour so you can wake up and be at work on time and earn money so you can sleep with a roof over your head and put food on the table, make the minors are clothed and have lunches and sleep............
It is exhausting just writing all that down.
If we do not want to be labelled and just live our lives without worries, how do we do that?
We need a source of monetary income.
We need to feel safe.
We need to be able to relate to other living, breathing creations.
We need to feel fulfilled.
We need to feel we make a difference or at a contribution.
To feel like we matter.
Quite the list.
At the end of the day, I am ok.
I have a support system.
I did not always have one.
I was lost for a very long time. Not too many people were aware of my circumstances. They might have suspected, but I was always able to maintain a good facade.
I am lucky.
I do have a roof over my head.
I know people love me.
I do not need them to prove it, I just know.
I wonder if more people realized that they do matter, make a difference, people love them, if they would feel so overwhelmed by the surplus of ideas that do not give them peace?
Unfortunately, too late to tell for some.

Final Strawberries

This morning I completed my pencil colour drawing of Strawberries.
It is on 4x6" card paper.

As soon as everyone finishes signing their names, it will be on the way to Mom's.

Now to think of my next project.

Fairy Garden?

I know I'm a little late to the party.
Have any of you tried this concept? A fairy garden?
Do you have pictures?
I've seen quite a few accessories at various craft stores and through advertisements on many social media sites.
It looks like fun.
It's like I can play with a dollhouse again and not be judged because I can say it is gardening!
What a great concept.
I need to research this.
What sort of plants?
What kind of container do I need.
It needs to be transportable because I have to be able to take inside during the winter season.
Unless there are winter friendly fairy gardens?
I think I've fallen down the rabbit hole once again.
Off to explore.....

Let's Celebrate

Spring has sprung!
About time eh?
I put my little citrus tree on the patio this morning.
I'll re-introduce him to natural daylight slowly.
I have no idea if this is necessary.
I just know from personal experience that I prefer to have things, places, ideas, everything introduced to me gradually.


My crocuses are also making their yearly appearance.


So has this little fellow:

I have no idea who or what he is.

I also tried or I should say, re-tried my hand at colour.
This is my first draft, Strawberries. Pencil crayon.


I'm going to binge watch Salem and work my knitting for a while. My hands need a tiny break from all the fine detail.

I hope you are all well
:D

Bright Globe in the Sky!

Yes!
I think that is the day star!!
I knew we couldn't have misplaced that orb.
Maybe in my area we will have a spring after all.
Time to get out and do things.
Right after my nap.
I did work last night, so I need to recharge.

Here is today's practice drawing called Peppers.

I make little notes to remind myself of what colours I would like to use if and when I get to that stage.

Nap time
Have a good day everyone!

Spring? Maybe?

Nope.

Wasn't Spring nice this week end.
The cats found the sun spot.


Jackie and I enjoyed quite a few walks.


My mini citrus tree is starting to bloom.

It is staying indoors until the weather outside is a bit more consistent.

I drew a little bit.


Then, Bam!

Snow.

Again.

Oh well.
Perhaps later this week Spring will return.
Until then, enjoy your day.

Room For Improvement

I am still actively working with my watercolour pencils.
I find it a very relaxing and actually fun process.
This is my newest creation watercolour paper, called Night Time Woodland Fairy.

I like where I am going, but I still need to work on my technique.

I have also been knitting. I finished my Winter Twilight Mitts,

and started on A Certain Darkness Shawl.


Jackie is having a great time carting around her bone.
She has yet to actually chew on this bone.

I guess it will just be a travel companion for now.

Hopefully Mother Nature comes back from holidays and Spring follows.
Right now I am enjoying my indoor version of spring with my citrus tree which has started to bloom.


Have a good day everyone.